If you haven’t seen this picture circulating around the internet yet, here it is:
At first, I laughed about it, but then the more I thought about it, the more I felt it’s totally true for me. January felt like an entire YEAR rolled into a single month. What’s up with that?!?
January was rough with waiting for my melanoma to be removed. It’s hard waiting for treatment for weeks after a cancer diagnosis knowing there’s nothing I could be doing to stop its growth. Except for surgery. Thank goodness only surgery was required to treat it, because stopping all normal activities for two weeks was definitely difficult.
Not being able to pick up and hold my 2 and a half year old, who is a supremely cuddly little, was torture for both of us. He quickly figured out I couldn’t keep up with him so he threw down some of his most epic flops and temper tantrums to date. The worst occurred at the library where he sprinted away while I was checking out books, climbed the stairs and almost made it inside an elevator to head downstairs that way. That kid is FAST! And I can usually hang but not this January.
I also couldn’t work out beyond walking at a leisurely pace. If you know me, you know that drove me bonkers! I’m at the gym 5-6 days a week normally taking various classes for my mental health. It helps decrease my anxiety and is my time to not focus on anything else in my life but myself (and mostly my breathing, because dang I take some challenging classes!) And walking at a 20-minute mike pace could not compete.
But January is over and done with, thank God!
My surgery went better than I imagined (because of course my brain occasionally went to worst possible scenario of extreme pain, permanent disfigurement, and/or death). Although exhaustion took over post-surgery thanks to the anesthesia, I never really had pain. My scar looks great so far, especially because it’s only been 3 weeks. My melanoma genetic testing came back in the lowest possible category, and my two basal cells have been removed.
I’m cancer-free! We’re settling back into our regular routines. February is looking lovely with Bad Kid Christmas only 2 weeks away!! And I’m working on my five-year plan, trying to figure out my place in this world. Everything’s coming up Sunshine, and I’m ready for it!
We went to the YMCA today, decked out in our red, white, and blue, and I practiced yoga this morning.
We swam with Uncle Brent and friends during our regularly scheduled naptime resulting in too-late naps for everyone except Keith.
We ate hot dogs, tater tots, and applesauce for dinner.
We threw poppers on the ground, making tiny explosions with the force of our throws.
We lit sparklers, creating designs in the air.
We ate popsicles because it’s July in Florida and it’s too dang hot even with the evening’s (relatively) cool breeze.
I heard the fireworks outside celebrating our Nation’s birthday, and watched my boys’ smiles as they glimpsed them over the treetops. They raced Keith to see the smaller ones in our neighborhood, first on bikes and later on foot. Amazement shined brighter on their faces than the fireworks themselves.
We lived our best lives of freedom and happiness today, yet when I think about life, liberty, and happiness* in the United States today, I come up short. How can I reconcile the conflict in my head that comes with having a pretty great day with my family while knowing many people living in the United States do not have these guaranteed freedoms?
I can’t right now. Not with families forcibly separated from their children by our government. Not with the criminal justice system imposing harsher sentences on those with darker skin tones. Not with public education being attacked by our leaders under the guise of test scores and grades. Not with the people in power continuing their destruction of health care protections, including preexisting conditions. And on and on it goes.
I’m trying not to let the political actions of our government get me down. I’m a dreamer and a fighter. So I’m combining my hope for a better world with personal action by making my resistance known. Because as the ELCA’s Presiding Bishop Elizabeth Eaton emphatically stayed at the 2018 ELCA Youth Gathering in Houston, “God’s resistance is love…And [I am] God’s resistance.” *Footnote for anyone who wants to reread my favorite part of the Declaration of Independence, as written by Thomas Jefferson.“We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.–That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, –That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness.”
I may never catch up on my writing, but maybe I’ll finish the summer by the end of the year!
We traveled to Chicago for a family wedding this past June, but since it’s such a big deal to fly with littles we extended our trip for a fun (not restful) family vacation. Henry was great on the flight up: he colored, played quietly, and then watched movies or gamed for the duration of the flight. He also got hopped up on juice and skipped his nap, but that wasn’t too bad. Elliot, however, did not like to be contained since at one, he could finally move on his own and could not understand that he needed to sit still for the flight. It wasn’t the easiest, but still it went fairly smoothly since there were two of us to one of him. And as adults, we are bigger and stronger than him so we prevailed.
Keith’s cousin, Donna, graciously picked us up from Midway and drove us downtown to our hotel in rush hour traffic the week of her son’s wedding so we didn’t have to worry about figuring out how to get all our gear and the boys downtown. She even packed us a cooler with snacks and drinks for our stay – she is the best! The boys napped during the commute, and our hotel (Wyndham Grand Chicago Riverfront) turned out to be fantastically situated on the Chicago River. We especially lucked out and got a corner riverfront view – we had giant windows on two of our walls! We could people watch, boat spy, and check out all the cars, trucks, and buses to our heart’s content! In other words, it was a preschooler and toddler’s dream, spoiling us making all other hotel rooms pale in comparison.
After unloading our gear, we had two priorities on our first day: (1) eat and (2) find Maggie Daley Park. We decided to combine the two and get carry-out Chicago-style pizza for a park picnic, before running wild at the playground. The three of us determined that deep dish pizza is not our favorite, but Maggie Daley Park definitely is. This Park is a wonderful garden oasis with several playground areas for all kids. If you want to climb a rock wall – there is a giant one available. If you adore miniature golf, play your heart out on its course. If you want peace and quiet, there are plenty of nooks scattered throughout where you can have alone-time.
The Play Garden is 3 acres of amazingness for kids. It encourages imaginative play with trails meandering to hidden treasures, gigantic playground structures, and water fountains. Henry spent the majority of his time in the Slide Crater, dashing across the Tower Bridge, climbing the towers, and speeding down the slides. He had a blast running up and down the hills and playing tag with new friends. Elliot strolled with me through the Enchanted Forest, balanced himself across the tree beams, and tried his best to jump into fountains (despite it being chilly for us Floridians!)
Every day of our trip Henry asked to return to this park. It may be his favorite one ever! He still asks us when we will be returning. Unfortunately, it rained a ton while we were downtown, so we only made it back one additional time, in the rain. Still, totally worth it, and it wasn’t crowded when it was raining! This time we first focused on a couple of Play Garden areas we missed the first time around – the Sea and the Harbor – before returning to the Slide Crater for madness.
Located about a 10-15 minute walk from our hotel, we returned from Maggie Daley through Millennium Park and Pritzker Pavilion by way of the Bean. This area of town is truly a gem, and we will be returning for more fun on our next visit!
In college, whenever I told someone I met I hailed from Jacksonville, and they also came from there, they would become interested and ask me, “What part?” Jacksonville is the biggest land area city in the country, so your neighborhood served as an identifier. When I responded, “Arlington,” mostly they looked shocked. Unless they have been there, Arlington is portrayed on local news as a decaying neighborhood whose heyday in the 1950s through the early 80s is long past.
Arlington became the first automobile-dependent suburb and flourished following the construction of the Matthews Bridge in 1953. My parents’ home in the Fort Caroline Club Estates was built in the late 60s, and they’ve been its owner since 1977. It’s always been a nice, middle class neighborhood within walking distance of the St. John’s River.
To me, it’s home. I spent entire summer days swimming at the Fort Caroline Club pool. I rode bikes around the neighborhood without a helmet. I played softball at Arlington Little League. I snuck into my first R-rated movie (There’s Something About Mary) at the Gazebo theater. I attended the local (non-Magnet) schools and received a great education thanks to committed teachers and my involvement in after-school activities.
I’m feeling nostalgic about Arlington lately because my parents are preparing their house to sell within the next year and move closer to my brother in Kissimmee. We’ve been trying for years to convince them to move closer to me or Scott and now they are actively moving forward in their process. And it kinda scares me. I’m not entirely sure why; I rarely visit Jacksonville because (a) my kids do NOT sleep when we aren’t at home and (b) my parents visit us on a monthly basis. It’s the change that’s intimidating…my parents will be moving from the place where I grew up, the only one, and all its familiar idiosyncrasies. I have to make sure to get back at least one more time before they move, sleep be damned!
Back to our visit…my kids had a blast at Grandma and Grandpop’s house – playing with new (but seriously old, like my dad’s old) toys, splashing in the sprinklers, and walking to and terrorizing Gerrie’s Park, just like my brother and I used to. It’s a small, neighborhood park with a few climbing areas, some swings, and space to run around. They boys’ favorite was helping Grandpop pick up tree debris from a recent storm. Who needs an actual playground when there are sticks bigger than your body? It was the best!
Keith had a church thing at the Lutheran church closest to my parents’ house in Jacksonville (St Matthew’s) so we took a mini-vacay because it’s summertime and the living is easy (even if travel with littles isn’t so easy). Our first evening there we headed downtown to see the Jacksonville Jumbo Shrimp play baseball. I hadn’t been in the new stadium (it opened in 2003; I’m slow) and I definitely hadn’t seen a game since the team changed names from the Suns to the Jumbo Shrimp.
The name change suits the team (because Florida), and the stadium is awesome! We had third baseline seats, and could see everything. The beer was cheap and cold ($1 beer night), and the game was short in length thanks to a rainout the day before (only a 7 inning game). Henry liked dancing in the grass seating berm and sliding down the inflatable slide (bring money if you want to do this or play the other outfield games). I think even my mom had fun (and she’s an indifferent sports-ball watcher).
The next morning we checked out the Dinosaurs in Motion Exhibit at the Museum of Science and History for free since we have a MOSI annual pass. We even got my parents in for free (something they always like) since our pass is for five people! We controlled the dinosaur bones’ movement and sound via levers, wheels, and game controllers – Henry’s dream! Other parts we enjoyed were seeing the live animals from Florida, building structures, and zooming through Jacksonville’s history (not so interesting for a little).
My favorite activity of the day, however, was taking the monorail to and from the museum. It’s just so cool to ride above the road and see the city and river from a different perspective. Henry was all about it, too!
We spent our last day in North Carolina hiking up a mountain. You may be thinking, they have two kids not even school-age – they must be crazy! Naysayers be damned – the kiddos did splendidly!
Keith selected Black Balsam Knob (via the Art Loeb Trail) in the Pisgah National Forest (Mile 420 off the Blue Ridge Parkway) as the location. It’s the second highest mountain in the Great Balsam Mountains at 6,214 feet tall! The weather was freezing for us Floridians – in the 40s! It was quite a shock from the temperature in Asheville, so I took Henry’s hat for myself because he had a hooded coat.
Henry has been preparing his whole life for hiking. He has an abundance of energy, climbs everything in sight, and has been doing trail walks since he took his first steps. Up on the mountain, he acted like a little mountain goat hopping from rock to rock and sprinting the straight-aways. We have a great backpack carrier that Elliot rode in since his walking skills weren’t up to snuff for a mile and half hike. He could look out and see over Keith’s shoulders, and looked quite relaxed so long as we didn’t stop moving.
After the one mile hike to the peak, we took a break for snacks and water, reclining on the grass while enjoying the beautiful view. On a clear day, you can see Shining Rock, Looking Glass Rock, Mt. Pisgah, Cold Mountain, and occasionally Mt. Mitchell (the highest point in the Eastern United States). In other words, the view is pristinely lovely. Henry only needed the tiniest bit of help going down the mountain when the rocks were slippery. We didn’t see any bears (thank goodness!), but ran into a few hiking dogs (much to the Hen’s dismay).
We stopped for ice cream at Dolly’s Dairy Bar (Lutheridge is a special flavor!) on the way back to Amber’s (kids were sleeping so we got to enjoy a mini-date), and ended the day with an evening stroll and playground adventure in her neighborhood. It was such a great visit; I hope we return soon!
Let me first start by saying that everyone needs a friend like Amber in their lives. She’s one of the best, and we are lucky to have been friends with her since college. It’s one of those friendships that can pick up after not keeping in touch well (on my part, she’s always the one reaching out to say hi) and it seems like no time has passed. Additionally, she was kind enough to invite all four of us to stay with her for a week while Keith was at his conference and she was teaching. Adding our four-person level of craziness to her quiet home was probably an adventure in itself, but then we ventured out!
She recommended a playground in Asheville called Carrier Park which was incredible! A velodrome surrounded the playground area so we had fun watching bicycle racing before playing. The playground itself was a wooden castle, with climbing tunnels, swings, slides, and an airplane! In two sections – one for older kids and one for the smaller ones – we spent equal time in both. Henry loved playing hide and go seek against me and Elliot because there were so many spots to hide. We also took a walk alongside the French Broad River to relax before heading back for lunch and a nap.
The next day we headed into downtown Asheville to get awesome books from Malaprops, the local bookstore. The kid’s selection was on point – we got four excellent books. Then we attempted to go to the Western North Carolina Nature Center. Unfortunately, all the schools and everyone with kids (at least that’s how the crowded parking situation seemed) had the same idea, so we didn’t even make it past the parking lot. There was a playground nearby so we hung out there until lunchtime. Are you sensing a theme? When all else fails, a playground always makes things better.
The final day of Keith’s conference occurred on Saturday, so Amber had the day off to play with us! We visited the Hands On! Children’s Gallery in nearby Hendersonville and had lots of rainy day fun. Henry loved creating energy by peddling a bike, selling ice cream in the ice cream shop, making lego cars and racing them, and rapidly running from exhibit to exhibit. I think everyone took naps after this.
Well, I survived my first day with two kids on one parent. It went smoother at times than I thought it would, but also was more overwhelming at times. Elliot did a great job napping in his crib in between nursing sessions. He would wake up, eat, be quietly alert for about 30 minutes, and then fall back asleep (sometimes doing another nursing session). This allowed me time to play endless board games with Henry. We also put together a jumbo fire truck puzzle and played in his darkened tent with glow in the dark bracelets, which became a parking garage and later became one giant circle. It was fun, but exhausting on only a few hours of sleep.
Henry gave me time to clean the kitchen and make our lunches for later. We decided to bring one to Keith since we couldn’t be apart from him all day long. It was difficult figuring out how to get two kids into car seats and into the car (fruit snack bribes for one to prevent excess rocking of the other’s infant car seat), but we managed fairly quickly. It was really nice lunching with Keith, and Elliot got to meet some of the office staff.
Naptime was horrible, I’m not going to lie. Both kids needed me at the exact same time, and I’m not great at nursing while doing anything else. So I attempted to comfort the baby while changing Henry into his diaper, reading, and tucking him in. Just when I thought I could feed Elliot, Henry needed me two additional times. I went in once, and he managed to self-settle the second time. Of course, Elliot didn’t nap when Henry did (until the last 30 minutes ore so) so I only got a 20 minute nap. Better 20 minutes than nothing (I had time today to catch up).
After nap, we settled into our normal routine, pre-baby: watch a few shows, get dinner ready, and eat with Keith. We had an after dinner adventure – I took a 2-mile walk at Lake Seminole with Elliot while Keith played with Henry at its two playgrounds. It was really nice to have some quiet time at sunset. We got both boys ready for bed afterwards (well, Elliot ready for his next round of eating and sleeping and Henry into bed), and then I was ready to crash and burn at 9:30. I can’t remember the last time I was in bed so early, but I made it (not asleep, because I knew Elliot would be eating again around 10 but close enough).
Our time spent living in our little paternity leave bubble is almost complete. Keith goes back to work tomorrow, and it has been wonderful having him home for the past two weeks. He has played a million and seven games of Richard Scarry’s Busytown Eye Found It and Connect Four with Henry, taken point for mostly all things Henry, attended doctor’s appointments, and swaddled and performed diaper changes whenever necessary for Elliot. In other words, he’s been a great dad who has worked hard during his leave time, which has not been a vacation.
This has allowed me to focus on my nursing relationship with Elliot; nursing on demand whenever he likes. I’ve also been sleeping as much as possible (but still not as much as I like/need) to be as rested as I can to survive the upcoming onslaught of having two kids demanding my time and attention simultaneously. I am definitely feeling intimidated by tomorrow, but Keith says I can do it so he must be right. It’s just going to be difficult at first until I get a routine going again. It will happen. Until that time, I have a team of awesome family and friends to help because it takes a village or something. Wish me luck.
Why do people tie a baby”s ability to be a “good baby” to a baby’s sleep? It’s ridiculous. I absolutely cannot count the number of times I was asked if Henry was a good baby. And people meant, “Is he sleeping through the night yet?” This started as early as one month of age when babies cannot sleep through the night without eating because their bellies aren’t large enough. And it isn’t other people’s questions about goodness that perpetuate this; new parents’ reminisce that if their first kid is a great sleeper, they think they are doing everything right. So we have internalized a child’s goodness based on his or her ability to be quiet and sleep.
Newsflash – this is not true! Parents of children who sleep through the night earlier are definitely better rested and able to be better functioning adults in terms of life and parenting skills, but these parents have won the sleep lottery and are incredibly lucky. Yay for them! Seriously. I wouldn’t wish sleep deprivation on my worst enemy; there’s a reason it is used as torture.
But what about the poor parents whose kid(s) don’t sleep well right away, or until months or years later? Your kids are good kids, too. They haven’t figured out this whole sleep thing yet. My son is awesome at so many things. He has hit all of his milestones early so far (with the exception of being able to get dressed and undressed; he can’t get his act together with that which is probably good because he would always be naked), and is generally happy and excited for life. He has gone through several sleep phases, however, that did not involve quality sleep for anyone. And we tried anything and everything (systematically) to get him to sleep. This includes nighttime sleep and naps.
After the newborn stage where he ate every 3-4 hours around the clock and slept most of the other time, until he was six months old he only woke up twice most nights to eat, which was totally doable because he would eat for about 10 minutes and then immediately fall asleep. Right before six months, things changed. He began crawling (without bothering to know how to sit up first), teething, and eating solid food all at once. The solids were no problem, the teething (and to some extent the crawling) definitely were. And our sleep suffered majorly for it for several months. We refused to do cry it out, but tried everything else we could to get him to sleep and stay asleep (at this point I can’t remember what we tried). We ended up co-sleeping a lot, which worked best for Henry, but not for me.
When Henry turned one, we decided to cut out night nursing, which involved Keith taking the reigns on quieting him at night and spending several nights sleeping on his floor. Keith can sleep anywhere like the dead so it wasn’t so so bad, but definitely not ideal. Hen got the hang of it quickly, realizing no mama milk would be forthcoming, but would not fall asleep unless Keith or I stayed in the room until he passed out. This new routine lasted a year (same for naps) – staying in his room until he fell asleep, then sneaking out like a ninja and hoping, wishing, and praying he wouldn’t wake up and we would have to return. He became better at putting himself to sleep when he woke up in the middle of the night using his Sleep Sheep (http://www.amazon.com/Cloud-Travel-Sound-Machine-Soother/dp/B000J6CDY6/ref=pd_sim_75_2?ie=UTF8&refRID=07BXX5T5DP1GHZTPP0XQ), but never his Sleep Giraffe. If he ever had his Sleep Giraffe in his crib it was literally, “No, Giraffe, No!” when he had his midnight wake up. At this point, we would only need to help him quiet down once or twice a week in the middle of the night, which entailed telling him to go back to sleep and laying on the floor until he resumed sleeping in his crib. It got old, but it worked and I loved my own sleep so much I was willing to do whatever means necessary to keep it up.
When Henry was around 22 months old, he regularly started climbing out of his crib. This was unsafe, of course, and although he wasn’t getting hurt, we decided to convert his crib to a toddler bed. The first few weeks were rough. He didn’t want to stay in bed and definitely not in his room. He also wanted to play with his toys instead of sleeping. Our solution was threefold: (1) Keith flipped the lock around and we lock him in for sleep so he doesn’t wander the house and get into trouble; (2) he can sleep wherever he likes in his room – on the bed, the floor, even under the crib; and (3) we put his larger toys in the locked closet, keeping smaller toys and his books available if he’s not quite ready to sleep on schedule. It works! For now he’s sleeping better than he ever has before. It will change, I’m sure, but for now I feel like I’m winning at sleep.